Photography :)

.:Drive back home.:






.:Lachlan Mcdonald:





.:sunrise.:




.:Ipanema beach.:

SO WHATS NEW?

soooooooooooooooooo..here we goooooooooo..whats new bout me?? well..fyi,im gettin skinnier afta a week of suffering from high fever..thats the newest about me...hahahaha...nvm..let me tell u bout ma fever..how it happens..it happened on monday @ 3am..so its tuesday..i was shivering like hell in bed...and so i switch off the air cond hoping that i feel better..but heck nooo!?then idk what happen i fell asleep..then i wake up and went to hall wid long face and continue sleeping on the couch..its normal..=] then my mom was like what u doin here...fever mom!okayy go downnstairs and take panadols...no mom..u take it plss...im lazy??!hell yea! and then like normal the temperature ohh goodd...39.8'c..geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez...mom n dad was like..shud we take her to hospital??and i was like nooooooooooooo but yesssss..its kinda fun in there..they have pancakes...=] but i dont want to take the silly meds..pls geeezz..i hate meds...

hello =]

hello peeps!!i cant believe im gettin my ass back on here..i thought my blog is dead n gone..hell yea!!its been centuriesssss..nvm thanks to ma sis n my bfff who remind me bout ma blog...and hella u sista!!asking me to update my bloggg..idk whats the fun of blogging..neway,here i ammmmm...so whats new in blogging????idk..dun tell me cz i dun give a damn...seriously im blurrr wid blogging thing..but i still have a blog...a blog is like a diary??no wayyy imma write ma silly things and personal stuffs here...newayyy..i brb..actually im cooking..hahahahaa...XD

PNEUMONIA...

What is pneumonia?

Pneumonia is an infection of one or both lungs which is usually caused by bacteria, viruses, or fungi. Prior to the discovery of antibiotics, one-third of all people who developed pneumonia subsequently died from the infection. Currently, over 3 million people develop pneumonia each year in the United States. Over a half a million of these people are admitted to a hospital for treatment. Although most of these people recover, approximately 5% will die from pneumonia. Pneumonia is the sixth leading cause of death in the United States.

How do people "catch pneumonia"?

Some cases of pneumonia are contracted by breathing in small droplets that contain the organisms that can cause pneumonia. These droplets get into the air when a person infected with these germs coughs or sneezes. In other cases, pneumonia is caused when bacteria or viruses that are normally present in the mouth, throat, or nose inadvertently enter the lung. During sleep, it is quite common for people to aspirate secretions from the mouth, throat, or nose. Normally, the body's reflex response (coughing back up the secretions) and immune system will prevent the aspirated organisms from causing pneumonia. However, if a person is in a weakened condition from another illness, a severe pneumonia can develop. People with recent viral infections, lung disease, heart disease, and swallowing problems, as well as alcoholics, drug users, and those who have suffered a stroke or seizure are at higher risk for developing pneumonia than the general population. Once organisms enter the lungs, they usually settle in the air sacs of the lung where they rapidly grow in number. This area of the lung then becomes filled with fluid and pus as the body attempts to fight off the infection.

What are pneumonia symptoms and signs?

Most people who develop pneumonia initially have symptoms of a cold which are then followed by a high fever (sometimes as high as 104 degrees Fahrenheit), shaking chills, and a cough with sputum production. The sputum is usually discolored and sometimes bloody. People with pneumonia may become short of breath. The only pain fibers in the lung are on the surface of the lung, in the area known as the pleura. Chest pain may develop if the outer pleural aspects of the lung are involved. This pain is usually sharp and worsens when taking a deep breath, known as pleuritic pain. In other cases of pneumonia, there can be a slow onset of symptoms. A worsening cough, headaches, and muscle aches may be the only symptoms. In some people with pneumonia, coughing is not a major symptom because the infection is located in areas of the lung away from the larger airways. At times, the individual's skin color may change and become dusky or purplish (a condition known as "cyanosis") due to their blood being poorly oxygenated. Children and babies who develop pneumonia often do not have any specific signs of a chest infection but develop a fever, appear quite ill, and can become lethargic. Elderly people may also have few symptoms with pneumonia.

How is pneumonia diagnosed?

Pneumonia may be suspected when the doctor examines the patient and hears coarse breathing or crackling sounds when listening to a portion of the chest with a stethoscope. There may be wheezing, or the sounds of breathing may be faint in a particular area of the chest. A chest x-ray is usually ordered to confirm the diagnosis of pneumonia. The lungs have several segments referred to as lobes, usually two on the left and three on the right. When the pneumonia affects one of these lobes it is often referred to as lobar pneumonia. Some pneumonias have a more patchy distribution that does not involve specific lobes. In the past, when both lungs where involved in the infection, the term "double pneumonia" was used. This term is rarely used today.

Sputum samples can be collected and examined under the microscope. If the pneumonia is caused by bacteria or fungi, the organisms can often be detected by this examination. A sample of the sputum can be grown in special incubators, and the offending organism can be subsequently identified. It is important to understand that the sputum specimen must contain little saliva from the mouth and be delivered to the laboratory fairly quickly. Otherwise, overgrowth of noninfecting bacteria may predominate.

A blood test that measures white blood cell count (WBC) may be performed. An individual's white blood cell count can often give a hint as to the severity of the pneumonia and whether it is caused by bacteria or a virus. An increased number of neutrophils, one type of WBC, is seen in bacterial infections, whereas an increase in lymphocytes, another type of WBC, is seen in viral infections.

Bronchoscopy is a procedure in which a thin, flexible, lighted viewing tube is inserted into the nose or mouth after a local anesthetic is administered. The breathing passages can then be directly examined by the doctor, and specimens from the infected part of the lung can be obtained.

Sometimes, fluid collects in the pleural space around the lung as a result of the inflammation from pneumonia. This fluid is called a pleural effusion. If the amount of this fluid that develops is large enough, it can be removed by inserting a needle into the chest cavity and withdrawing the fluid with a syringe in a procedure called a thoracentesis. In some cases, this fluid can become severely inflamed (parapneumonic effusion) or infected (empyema) and may need to be removed by more aggressive surgical procedures.

What are some of the organisms that cause pneumonia, and how are they treated?

The most common cause of a bacterial pneumonia is Streptococcus pneumoniae. In this form of pneumonia, there is usually an abrupt onset of the illness with shaking chills, fever, and production of a rust-colored sputum. The infection spreads into the blood in 20%-30% of cases, and if this occurs, 20%-30% of these patients die.

Two vaccines are available to prevent pneumococcal disease; the pneumococcal conjugate vaccine (PCV7; Prevnar) and the pneumococcal polysaccharide vaccine (PPV23; Pneumovax). The pneumococcal conjugate vaccine is part of the routine infant immunization schedule in the U.S. and is recommended for all children < href="http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=343">diabetes, chronic heart, lung, or kidney disease, those with alcoholism, cigarette smokers, and in those people who have had their spleen removed.

Antibiotics often used in the treatment of this type of pneumonia include penicillin, amoxicillin and clavulanic acid (Augmentin, Augmentin XR), and macrolide antibiotics including erythromycin, azithromycin (Zithromax, Zmax), and clarithromycin (Biaxin). Penicillin was formerly the antibiotic of choice in treating this infection. With the advent and widespread use of broader-spectrum antibiotics, significant drug resistance has developed. Penicillin may still be effective in treatment of pneumococcal pneumonia, but it should only be used after cultures of the bacteria confirm their sensitivity to this antibiotic.

Klebsiella pneumoniae and Hemophilus influenzae are bacteria that often cause pneumonia in people suffering from chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) or alcoholism. Useful antibiotics in this case are the second- and third-generation cephalosporins, amoxicillin and clavulanic acid, fluoroquinolones (levofloxacin [Levaquin], moxifloxacin-oral [Avelox], gatifloxacin-oral [Tequin], and sulfamethoxazole and trimethoprim [Bactrim, Septra]).

Mycoplasma pneumoniae is a type of bacteria that often causes a slowly developing infection. Symptoms include fever, chills, muscle aches, diarrhea, and rash. This bacterium is the principal cause of many pneumonias in the summer and fall months, and the condition often referred to as "atypical pneumonia." Macrolides (erythromycin, clarithromycin, azithromycin, and fluoroquinolones) are antibiotics commonly prescribed to treat Mycoplasma pneumonia.

Legionnaire's disease is caused by the bacterium Legionella pneumoniae that is most often found in contaminated water supplies and air conditioners. It is a potentially fatal infection if not accurately diagnosed. Pneumonia is part of the overall infection, and symptoms include high fever, a relatively slow heart rate, diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, and chest pain. Older men, smokers, and people whose immune systems are suppressed are at higher risk of developing Legionnaire's disease. Fluoroquinolones are the treatment of choice in this infection. This infection is often diagnosed by a special urine test looking for specific antibodies to the specific organism.

Mycoplasma, Legionnaire's, and another infection, Chlamydia pneumoniae, all cause a syndrome known as "atypical pneumonia." In this syndrome, the chest x-ray shows diffuse abnormalities, yet the patient does not appear severely ill. These infections are very difficult to distinguish clinically and often require laboratory evidence for confirmation.

Pneumocystis carinii pneumonia is another form of pneumonia that usually involves both lungs. It is seen in patients with a compromised immune system, either from chemotherapy for cancer, HIV/AIDS, and those treated with TNF (tumor necrosis factor), such as for rheumatoid arthritis. Once diagnosed, it usually responds well to sulfa-containing antibiotics. Steroids are often additionally used in more severe cases.

Viral pneumonias do not typically respond to antibiotic treatment. These infections can be caused by adenoviruses, rhinovirus, influenza virus (flu), respiratory syncytial virus (RSV), and parainfluenza virus (that also causes croup). These pneumonias usually resolve over time with the body's immune system fighting off the infection. It is important to make sure that a bacterial pneumonia does not secondarily develop. If it does, then the bacterial pneumonia is treated with appropriate antibiotics. In some situations, antiviral therapy is helpful in treating these conditions.

Fungal infections that can lead to pneumonia include histoplasmosis, coccidiomycosis, blastomycosis, aspergillosis, and cryptococcosis. These are responsible for a relatively small percentage of pneumonias in the United States. Each fungus has specific antibiotic treatments, among which are amphotericin B, fluconazole (Diflucan), penicillin, and sulfonamides.

Major concerns have developed in the medical community regarding the overuse of antibiotics. Most sore throats and upper respiratory infections are caused by viruses rather than bacteria. Though antibiotics are ineffective against viruses, they are often prescribed. This excessive use has resulted in a variety of bacteria that have become resistant to many antibiotics. These resistant organisms are commonly seen in hospitals and nursing homes. In fact, physicians must consider the location when prescribing antibiotics (community-acquired pneumonia, or CAP, versus hospital-acquired pneumonia, or HAP).

The more virulent organisms often come from the health-care environment, either the hospital or nursing homes. These organisms have been exposed to a variety of the strongest antibiotics that we have available. They tend to develop resistance to some of these antibiotics. These organisms are referred to as nosocomial bacteria and can cause what is known as nosocomial pneumonia when the lungs become infected.

Recently, one of these resistant organisms from the hospital has become quite common in the community. In some communities, up to 50% of Staph aureus infections are due to organisms resistant to the antibiotic methicillin. This organism is referred to as MRSA (methicillin-resistant Staph aureus) and requires special antibiotics when it causes infection. It can cause pneumonia but also frequently causes skin infections. In many hospitals, patients with this infection are placed in contact isolation. Their visitors are often asked to wear gloves, masks, and gowns. This is done to help prevent the spread of this bacteria to other surfaces where they can inadvertently contaminate whatever touches that surface. It is therefore very important to wash your hands thoroughly and frequently to limit further spread of this resistant organism.

Conclusions

Pneumonia can be a serious and life-threatening infection. This is true especially in the elderly, children, and those that have other serious medical problems, such as COPD, heart disease, diabetes, and certain cancers. Fortunately, with the discovery of many potent antibiotics, most cases of pneumonia can be successfully treated. In fact, pneumonia can usually be treated with oral antibiotics without the need for hospitalization.

Pneumonia At A Glance

• Pneumonia is a lung infection that can be caused by different types of microorganisms, including bacteria, viruses, and fungi.
• Symptoms of pneumonia include cough with sputum production, fever, and sharp chest pain on inspiration (breathing in).
• Pneumonia is suspected when a doctor hears abnormal sounds in the chest, and the diagnosis is confirmed by a chest x-ray.
• Bacteria causing pneumonia can be identified by sputum culture.
• A pleural effusion is a fluid collection around the inflamed lung.
• Bacterial and fungal (but not viral) pneumonia can be treated with antibiotics.

EXAM is killing me..!

lol..sedar2 dh 5 months ..suddenly i was freaking out!!
nxt week xam agama..and im proud to say that i am not ready..
tension gak gan ustzh..tny topik yg nk come out xp dia ckp nanti la..X-(
mayb ari xam tuh kowt baru dia nk ckp..
actually aku tension!xam is just around the corner..n aku pula tgh spinning round2..
scared la...nti result trox kang kena mrh plak..hehehe..i now wut to say if my mom scolded me..heeeeeeeeeee~
aku kan baru kuar hospital..so x sempat nk cover up certain2 chapter...muaahahahahhahaha...*evil laugh*. bley kot bg reason nie..
sooooooo scared la guys!!my frends dah maju ke dpn..aku pn maju ke dpn gak xp aku terlencong ke mna entah..
its better if aku kt dlm hopsital g kn?time2 nk xam je admit..n then after everything finished aku kuar la...kahkahkah...my EVIL plan...
mcm la bley kn..suka hati aku je nk masuk kuar hosp...time kt dlm hosp aku n get out from there..now diff plak...teringing nk masuk blk..hohohohoho..
back to xam..dhla a week g nk xam xp aku still dok merepeking here..so i shud unplugged my laptop and study!!!yeah!!
ok..to be cont after xam...im going to tuition now!bubye!

my fav's..xoxo

i love watching tv..yeah!! and these are some of my favourite tv shows..

#1.SMALLVILLE
Superficially, the much-anticipated weekly adventure fantasy series Smallville resembled the many cartoon and live-action adaptations of DC's old -Superboy comic books, themselves spin-offs of the indomitable Siegel and Schuster creation, Superman. However, this new hour-long WB series went off on several new tangents, notably the Buffy the Vampire Slayer conceit that with special powers comes special responsibilities. The pilot episode, telecast on October 16, 2001, established the premise by showing a strange meteor crashing just outside the tiny Kansas community of Smallville in 1989. The meteor was actually a spaceship from the doomed planet Krypton, and its occupant was the planet's sole survivor, the infant Kal-El. Discovered and "adopted" by farmer Jonathan Kent (John Schneider) and his wife, Martha (Annette O'Toole), Kal-El grew into his teen years with the newly minted name of Clark Kent, his extraterrestrial origins kept secret from the rest of the community. Advised by his adoptive parents never to utilize his awesome superpowers lest his true identity be revealed, 14-year-old Clark (played by 24-year-old Tom Welling) was forced to adopt a non-athletic persona while attending the local high school. Clark's only allies were the lovely Lana Lang (Kristin Kreuk), for whom our hero carried a secret torch, and aspiring entrepreneur Lex Luthor (Michael Rosenbaum), whose life Clark had saved. Just as the soon-to-be-villainous Luthor was essentially a comic character here, so too was the young Clark Kent, miles removed from his adult "Superman" alter ego. Indeed, the series' executive producers, Michael Tollin and Brian Robbins, prided themselves on the fact that their version of Kent was never seen wearing the traditional Man of Steel cape and tights.

#2.CRIMINAL MINDS
The CBS procedural drama Criminal Minds centered around the FBI's elite Behavioral Analysis Unit, whose job it was to psychologically profile the country's most dangerous criminals. Heading the unit was Jason Gideon (Mandy Patinkin), who despite an abundance of personal problems was a positive genius at getting "inside" the heads of serial killers and other habitual predators, enabling him to anticipate the criminals' next moves and to (hopefully) prevent their future crimes. Other members of Gideon's "mind hunters" included Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner (Thomas Gibson), Derek Morgan (Shemar Moore), Elle Greenway (Lola Glaudini), Richard Slessman (DJ Qualls), Tim Vogel (Andrew Jackson), and Dr. Spencer Reid (Matthew Gray Gubler).


#3.GREY'S ANATOMY
Grey's Anatomy is a hospital drama that focuses on Meredith Grey (Ellen Pompeo), one of several first-year surgical interns at a Seattle, Wash., hospital. Along with her colleagues, Meredith struggles to maintain relationships while staying sharp at her new job. The professional roles and real lives of a diverse group of surgeons collide unexpectedly in this Golden Globe-winning ABC television drama. As an intern at prestigious Seattle Grace Hospital, Meredith Grey (Ellen Pompeo) tries hard to live up to the reputation of her legendary surgeon mother while hiding the fact that her mom now suffers from Alzheimer's disease. As if life weren't complicated enough, Meredith also falls for her boss, Derek Shepherd (Patrick Dempsey), a surgical resident recently relocated to Seattle from New York. Meredith's friend and rival Cristina Yang (Sandra Oh) finds herself in a similarly taboo romance with Preston Burke (Isaiah Washington), Derek's chief competition for the title of chief resident. As for Meredith and Cristina's fellow interns -- Isobel "Izzie" Stevens (Katherine Heigl), George O'Malley (T.R. Knight), and Alex Karev (Justin Chambers) -- they've got problems of their own. Izzie doesn't want to be judged for her underwear-model past; Alex is better at bedding the ladies than bedside manner; and George can't get any of the women around him to see him as anything but a cuddly friend. All five interns answer to the roar of senior resident Miranda Bailey (Chandra Wilson), affectionately known as "the Nazi." But even Dr. Bailey jumps to it when Chief of Surgery Richard Webber (James Pickens Jr.) is on the scene. Although it was a hit from the time of its mid-season launch -- in a plum post-Desperate Housewives time slot -- on March 27, 2005, Grey's Anatomy had sat on the shelf for a year before it saw the light of day.


#4.GOSSIP GIRL
Based on Alloy Entertainment's book series by Cecily Von Ziegesar, CW's Gossip Girl gave New York's fashionable Upper East Side basically the same slick and sexy treatment as Fox's The O.C. had given California's Orange County. The series focused on a group of terribly wealthy, dazzlingly good-looking young men and women, all attending a high-end prep school. At the outset of the story, the previously unquestioned social supremacy of teenaged rich-bitch Blair Waldorf (Leighton Meester) was suddenly and unexpectedly placed in jeopardy by the return of Blair's former best friend Serena Van der Woodson (Blake Lively), who'd just been booted out of boarding school. An unabashed "party animal" and romantic predator, Serena not only threatened Blair's position as the school's unofficial leader, but also tried to move in on Blair's handsome-hunk boyfriend Nate Archibald (Chace Crawford). These momentous events were observed and commented upon by Blair's current best buds Kati (Nan Zhang) and Isabel (Ed Westwick), and by the series' obligatory "blue-collar" characters, likable Dan Humphrey (Penn Badgely) and his socially ambitious sister Jenny (Taylor Momsen)--the latter unwittingly targeted for eventual seduction by the school's resident Lothario, Chuck Bass (Nicole Fiscella).

#5.PUSHING DAISIES
Few TV producers were more adept at turning Death into a punchline than Bryan Fuller, as witness his cable efforts Dead Like Me and Wonderfalls. Fuller maintained this singular tradition in his first major "over-the-air" series, the seriocomic, semi-fantastic ABC offering Pushing Daisies, which in fact had been originally conceived as a spinoff of Dead Like Me but ended up being developed separately. Lee Pace starred as Ned, who at the tender age of ten discovered that he possessed a rare gift: the ability to bring the dead back to life simply by touching them. Unfortunately, those whom he "resurrected" could only stay alive for 60 seconds, whereupon Ned had to touch them again and send them back to the Other World permanently: if Ned didn't do this within the alotted time-frame, someone else in the near vicinity would have to die in the place of the person he'd revived. As an adult, Ned supported himself with his own piemaking business, which grossed a hefty amount thanks to his ability to invest fruit with substantial flavor merely by touching. He also moonlighted as a partner to private detective Emerson Cod (Chi McBride) and Cod's co-worker Olive Snook (Kristin Chenoweth), enabling Cod to solve murders by bringing the victims back to life long enough to identify their killers. Among these murdered souls was Ned's own childhood sweetheart Charlotte "Chuck" Charles (Anna Friel)--but when time came to give Chuck the fatal "second touch", Ned didn't have the heart to do it. Thus, Chuck lived on as Ned's "inspiration", taking hilariously elaborate precautions to avoid ever coming into physical contact with her beloved Ned.

The Dolls of LoVe

The Dolls of Love

Another touching story, that things might not be what they seem. Surprises and the sweetest of them comes in small packages. And this story shows just that, don't underestimate the littlest of gestures for they might actually be the ones which you will remember for life.

I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin. I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him.

Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him. And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other girls. To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl…

“Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?” I asked.
“I can’t”
“Why? You need to study at home?” I felt disappointment
grabbing me.

“No… I am going to meet a friend…”

He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word ‘love’ only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say ‘I love you’ before. To us, there weren’t any anniversaries at all.
He didn’t say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days…200days… Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don’t know why…

Then one day…
Me: Um, Jin, I …
Jin: What…don’t drag, just say..
Me: I love you.
Jin: ……you….um, just take this doll and go home.
That was how he ignored my ‘three words’ and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many…
Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call. But… lunch passed, dinner passed… and soon the sky was dark… he still didn’t call. It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore. Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.

Me: Jin…
Jin: Here…take this…
Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: What’s this?
Jin: I didn’t give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I’m going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? Huh?
I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen.Then I shouted… “Wait…”
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me…
Jin: What?!
Me: Tell me

I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him. But he just said simple cold words and left.
“I don’t want to say…that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else.”
That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb… and I collapsed to the ground. He didn’t want to say it easily… How could he…. I felt that… Maybe he is not the right guy for me…

After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. He didn’t call me, although I was waiting. He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house. That’s how those dolls piled up in my room… everyday
After a month, I got myself together and went to school. But what made the pain resurface was that… I saw him on a street… with another girl… He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me…as he touched the doll… I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell… Why did he gave these to me… Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls…In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him.
He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that… it’s going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.

Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?
I couldn’t help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around. Soon, he held out the doll as usual…
Me: I don’t need it.

Jin: What….why…
I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
Me: I don’t need this doll, I don’t need it anymore!! I don’t want to see a person like you again!

I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.
“I’m sorry”
He apologized in a tiny voice.
He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll…
Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!

But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll. Then…

Honk~ Honk~
With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.
“Jin! Move! Move away!” I shouted…
But he didn’t hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.
“Jin, move!”
HONK~!!
“Boom!” That sound, so terrifying.
That’s how he went away from me.
That’s how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.
After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him… And after spending two months like a crazy person… I took out the dolls.

Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days… when we were in love…

“One…two… three…”
That was how… I started to count the dolls…
“Four hundred and eighty four… four hundred and eighty
five…”
It all ended with 485 dolls.
I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly…

“I love you~, I love you~”
I dropped the dolls,shocked.

“I….lo..ve…you??”
I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.

“I love you~ I love you~”
It can’t be! I pressed all the dolls’ stomach as it piled on the side.
“I love you~”

“I love you~”
“I love you~”
Those words came out non-stop. I…love you… Why didn’t I realize that….That his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didn’t I realize that he love me this much… I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it’s stomach,
that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it. The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much…

“Jo…Do you know what today is? We’ve been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn’t say I love you…. Um… since I was too shy… If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you… everyday… till I die… Jo… I love you…”

The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god, why do I only know about all this now? He can’t be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute…

For that… and for that reason… to me… it became courage… to live a beautiful life…